Why Are We So Scared of Love?

We’ve all come across weird-sounding phobias — from fear of spiders (Arachnophobia) to fear of holes (Trypophobia). However, one of the most unique and disheartening phobias is the fear of falling in love, a.k.a. Philophobia.

Love is not an easy game. It requires people to be vulnerable and take risks. Safe to say, love is a risky business! That shouldn’t mean that falling in love is a negative emotion. However, for those with philophobia, the idea of falling in love is accompanied by feelings of anxiety and pressure. It often stems from traumatic past relationships and a desire to protect oneself from further pain and hurt.

We have no control over how and whom we love. This lack of control can translate to feelings of powerlessness, which activates our body’s defence mechanism to protect itself from being taken advantage of or getting hurt. This doesn’t mean love is a bad thing.

Here are five scientific sources.
That explains what happens to us after a bad relationship, ultimately leading to Philophobia:

1. Fear of intimacy: Many people have a deep-seated fear of intimacy in relationships — be it physical or emotional intimacy. Why? It’s because the way we view ourselves differs from the way our partners view us. When we hold on to our negative self-attitudes by listening to, what Lisa Firestone calls “inner voice,” we create a resistance towards love. Your partner may say you look beautiful, but if you’ve grown up feeling the complete opposite, your body tells you to ignore your partner’s praise, and this creates intimacy issues.

2. Effect of breakup on brains: When we love someone, they become a part of our neural pathways and inhabit the neurons and synapses of our brain. It’s why we enjoy being around them and become accustomed to their company. A breakup confuses these parts of our brain, which continues to search for this person and becomes inflamed and agitated during the process. This causes us deep emotional and even physical pain, making us stay away from love.

3. Breakups crush your heart: Literally I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but Broken Heart Syndrome is a real thing. Emotional stress causes the heart’s left ventricle to be ‘stunned’ or paralyzed. This gives rise to symptoms of a heart attack like chest pain, tightness in the chest, shortness of breath, etc. However, it’s rarely fatal and completely treatable.

4. Love is like a drug: A study revealed that intense romantic love stimulates our brain the same way as a drug. It activates the striatum, the brain’s pleasure center, and the insula, the region that assigns value to pleasurable activities, ensuring we keep engaging in them. So, the next time someone says, “I’m high on love,” believe me, they actually mean it!

5. The love hormone: Oxytocin is hailed as a love hormone by many, but it’s also the one that induces fear of love in us on many occasions. It’s the hormone that our body produces in our most intimate moments with our partners. It makes us empathetic and trusting. However, this cheeky little chemical also triggers fear pathways in our brain, reminding us of all the bad experiences we’ve had in love, warning us to be alerted to not repeat them.